what is the courage to grow scholarship?

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”- Winston Churchill

My last article, “Ten Characteristics of Highly Successful High School Girls”, focused on commonalities that led girls that excelled in High School to attend the most elite colleges in the United States. After interviewing 460 elite college students, I recognized and outlined commonalities in terms of study habits, extra-curricular activities, family life and hard work. It is a fascinating read and I suggest you read it at some point. The bottom line is these girls work hard for everything they receive, take nothing for granted and always look to the future to reach their goals. They unanimously agree that there is no substitute for hard and independent work and each one possessed the drive to attain their goal.

My quest into identifying successful habits of young women has led me to inquire about personal habits, as well. I know these girls sacrificed quite a bit to reach their goals, but when they had free time, what did they value the most? I have had many people and classmates ask me questions about the personal characteristics of this interviewed group, so I have compiled another list about personal qualities these successful women possess. I received and narrowed responses from the same students in the following notable colleges: Harvard Law School, Washington University in St. Louis, Princeton, Yale, Harvard College, Columbia, Penn, NYU, Duke, Dartmouth, Stanford, MIT, Cal Tech and the University of Chicago. The results, as before, are fascinating, yet also somewhat predictable. After more than six months of interviewing and compilation, I have found the following personal behavioral commonalities:

1. Popularity Was Much Less Important Than Being Successful – These girls constantly look to the future. Although High School is here and now, it was perceived as a point in time and a stepping stone to something much greater. Interestingly, many respondents were told by their parents that dating shouldn’t be taken seriously until late college or Graduate school, when the intended is more focused and on the same intellectual playing field. Surprisingly, the majority of respondents adhered to that advice and spent the time studying instead of dating. Most respondents related that the possibilities are determined at the end of High School, meaning, an elite college ensures the opportunity to attend an elite Graduate School. An elite undergraduate college opens many more doors, has better resources, higher teaching quality and unparalleled research opportunities than a non-elite college.

2. Higher Grades Equated to Scholarships – For most of the respondents, money was a major factor in their choice of college. Their families were not independently wealthy and many of them desired to attend private elite colleges. 92% of respondents related their hard work and effort would, hopefully, lead to a scholarship to get them where they wanted to be. This was an extra motivating factor to succeed in High School. They also applied to many schools to increase their scholarship offers.

3. School is a Place to Learn and Should be Respected – These girls took school seriously and still do in college. They are never late, as they related it is disrespectful to the teacher who has worked hard to prepare the lesson for that day. They give their full attention and are fully engaged in the class. This respect of the institution and the teacher is a life skill and has served them well in college.

4. Entitlements Have Hurt, Not Helped Self Esteem – Famed author and Yale Law Professor, Amy Chua said, “A lot of parents today are terrified that something they say to their children might make them ‘feel bad.’ But, hey, if they’ve done something wrong, they should feel bad. Kids with a sense of responsibility, not entitlement, who know when to experience gratitude and humility, will be better at navigating the social shoals of college.” That sentiment was echoed by every respondent with regards to their parents and their current sense of responsibility. They did not like the fact that everyone gets an award because it makes those who didn’t put in the extra effort feel bad and felt it did more harm than good because it rewarded laziness and stifled working harder.

5. It Was and Will Always Be Hard Work, Not That They are “Gifted” or “Talented” – These respondents know it was their hard work that propelled them to great success. But they viewed their skills and intellect as something that could grow and progress through hard work, versus the mentality of their counterparts, which believed since they were designated “gifted” or “talented”, they didn’t have to work any harder because their skills and intellect were fixed. Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, researched and found the way parents deliver approval affects the performance of their children and also the way they feel about themselves. A few respondents related that the helicopter parents told their kids how “amazing “and/or “gifted” they were and disincentivized them from growing and working harder, since they were already at the pinnacle. The majority of respondents felt they have not yet reached the pinnacle and still had a long way to go.

6. These Girls are Organized – They plan for the coming year before the year starts. They get their summer reading list and actually do the reading well in advance of the class. They all used day planners and had their rooms set up at home in an efficient manner to study effectively.

7. Blame falls on them, Not the Curriculum or the Teacher – If the respondent did poorly on a test, she told me it was because she didn’t study hard enough or the right way. They didn’t blame the curriculum, the teacher or the school. They took full responsibility, were self-reliant and asked for extra-credit work to bolster the grade and worked harder. Their parents were not the ones running to the Principal’s office because the girls took action on their own.

8. Could Count Their Closest Friends on One Hand – Their inner circle is comprised of girls who are as focused as they are. They may not all be vying for number one, but they are smart, serious and genuinely kind girls who have each other’s back. They are also very social with this group and get together often. They don’t judge each other and consider this a safe and supportive group.

9. Always finished Their Homework on Time and asked for Extra Credit – Most respondents told me that homework turned in late, lost 10 points for every day late. The respondents looked at this as starting behind and an easy way to keep their grades high. They were astonished at the classmates who turned in work late or not at all. Interestingly, this behavior was more common with the smart boys in the class than the girls.

10. Never Rushed to Judgement and Accepted Everyone, Except the Duplicitous – These girls showed compassion and try to be kind to everyone they meet. They are genuinely involved in community service and care about the world they live in and their classmates. There was one glaring exception, though. Those classmates that were smart but contrived to get ahead were often chastised in private with their inner circle and families. It stemmed from helicopter parents contriving to create a super student in very unethical ways. They related stories of physician parents writing journal abstracts and adding their child’s name so it looked like they had some part in a publication, which, they believed, would impress an admissions officer. Other stories of fake charities, contributing large sums to campaigns to get recommendation letters, self-publishing medical books on Amazon they supposedly wrote without any medical school education, giving favors to the Principal to get their students into the classes with the teachers they believed gave easier A’s, bestowing coaches and NHS Advisors with gifts, and the list went on from there. The respondents knew these behaviors only taught these girls to be reliant on their parents and possess very non-ethical values. They took great interest to know these students were not high achievers compared to their elite classmates in college and that in the end, hard work and a strong sense of ethical morality does pay off.

This is also a quick synopsis of a larger undertaking where I will describe, in great detail, the findings and my observations. There are, however, some insightful conclusions from this study, as well. The students are all highly competitive and hard-working young women who realize hard work and their outlook on life has gotten them into the most elite colleges in the country. They all looked beyond getting in the door and to greater life success. It is, in no way, the only path to success, but an interesting study in behavioral commonalities between high-achieving high school girls who have dared to go where others can only dream of going. Maybe this study will let some actually make their dreams a reality.